-This article is more about my experience than a review-
Through a long series of events, I became a member of a group called
"Gofobo." If you haven't heard of them, basically you get sent free
tickets to preview screenings of upcoming movies. The downside of the
program, it is first come, first serve. I've missed out on screenings I
actually wanted to see, like Mad Max or Avengers, because by the time I
got the notification about the screening, the tickets were gone. While
other movies, like the movie we're going to be discussing later, were
pretty easy to grab since nobody wanted to see it.
I was originally going to pass up seeing Spy. I'm not a fan of Melissa
McCarthy or the film's director Paul Feig. No real reason. I just don't
care for their style of humor. A lot of it comes across as "Poop Jokes
for Women." It's just not for me, and there's absolutely nothing wrong
with that. So going into this movie, I had an idea of what I was getting
myself into.
Although I forgot about one important detail, the conditions of which I would be seeing this movie.
You see, one of "Gofobo's" biggest problems outside of the "First come,
First Serve" system are its guest. They jam pack the theater with
anybody who's willing to go. This includes pulling in drunks out of the
bar next door to the theater when the turnout is far less than what they
expected. That was the crowd I had to experience this movie with a room
full of intoxicated chuckleheads. I've had bad theater experiences
before, but this one was easily in the top five.
Rodger Ebert once wrote a review on a slasher movie (I forget which one)
where he judged the movie solely on the audience's reaction. He was
completely disgusted by how the audience was enjoying the film they were
watching. How could people get such joy and entertainment out of this
filth? Were they mentally deranged or just sick psychopaths looking for a
quick fix to satisfy their bloodlust? I've always thought that was an
unfair review. Until I saw this movie with this audience.
This audience laughed at every single joke in this movie. Office woman
eats cake covered with bat droppings. Hahaha! McCarthy falls over riding
a motorcycle. Hahaha! Her knockout gadget is disguised as hemorrhoid
wipes. Hahaha! McCarthy says, "I'll rip your dick off and staple it to
your head so you'll look like a limb dick unicorn." Hahaha! This
continued through out the entire movie. Very joke got a laugh and it was
rare when the movie actually deserved to get a chuckle out of anybody.
Now would be the best time to talk about the joker who sat next to me
during the movie. We'll call him Doug for the sake of the article. Doug
came into the movie 20 minutes late. He stumbled up the stairs with his
buddy to the top row where I was sitting. The whole time Doug and his
buddy where doing a drunken whisper that could of been heard in the next
theater over. Something along the lines of, "Oh man, dude, I told you
we'd make it before the movie started." The moment he sat down I was
instantly hit with the stench of cheep alcohol and pot. A smell that
became all too familiar to me after my years in art school. But these
were no artist. More along the lines of cheap morons looking to dull
their senses further than they already fell. While the audience laughing
at this dribble was bad enough, Doug would lurch his body forward and
produce a big belly laugh, slapping his friend's knee, "Limp Dick
Unicorn! Oh Bro, she said Limp Dick Unicorn!" As if the idea of a woman
simply saying the word, "dick" was a masterful piece of comedic genius
that rivals the works of George Carlin or Robin Williams. Imagine the
worst type of human scum you could think of and you'll get a glimpse of
Doug. Proudly announcing that he screw any hot woman that came on
screen, to freaking out at seeing an actual penis on screen for half a
second.
Doug was approached by security at one point, but because I was sitting
next to him, Doug's commentary was still being whispered in my ear
throughout. I could not change seats because as stated at the beginning
of this article, they jammed that theater with as many people as
possible. While I've dealt with worse theater audiences (thanks little
toddler who was pulling on my hair thought out last year's Teenage
Mutant Ninja Turtles), Doug was what made this movie a very difficult
viewing experience. But I did my best to tune him out and focus on the
movie.
Oh, you properly wanting to know how the movie was. It's not very good.
Extremely predictable plot and even worse telegraphed gags throughout.
There's one funny character in the movie that works and that's Jason
Statham. He's basically playing an extreme parody of his movie persona,
an over the top badass who brags about breaking the laws of physics,
nature, biology and God himself to over come his missions. He's a funny
character and I wish the movie was about him. But outside of that, the
movie is ultimately forgettable. It doesn't do anything too obnoxious to
be considered terrible, but it does nothing to warrant seeing this in
theaters.
The only real criticism, I'm going to give this film is this, I think
the movie would work better if it wasn't a comedy. Follow me on this
one. McCarthy's character is more or less talked into a desk job
providing Jude Law's character information when he goes out on missions
for the CIA. But here's the kicker, when McCarthy went to the CIA's
version of boot camp, she excelled in all fields, including combat
ability and weapons handling. She was never given orders to go out on
field missions because no one at the CIA believed in her abilities, and
Law's character got the idea into her head that she'd never be good
enough. So you have this good set up for a film about an overweight
woman being constantly belittled because of her appearance, and she's
given this chance to prove she's more than capable of performing her
duties to her superiors and most importantly herself, but the movie
plays it all as a joke. Not once does this movie give McCarty's
character the dignity that the character deserves. When she single
handedly takes out an enemy spy by throwing him off of a building,
instead of giving the character a moment of victory or triumph, they
have her character vomit all over his dead body. It's not even a funny
scene. All it does is belittle the character even further.
And here's where I'm gonna get a little preachy.
Women don't have a lot of positive role models who are heavy set.
Actually forget role models, the number of heavy set female heroes is so
small, it's almost nonexistent. So you have this movie that comes out
and it presents the idea of creating what is more or less a heavy set
Lady James Bond. But instead of promoting the idea that these types of
women are kick ass, capable fighters, it plays this as yet another fat
joke. Why can't we have a confident character who breaks through social
stigmatism and show these types of people are worth a damn? Why must
these women be forced into the role of a clown because of their weight?
It's not fair. And what's worse, this movie could of fought that
stereotype, but it didn't. The movie became that friend who claims to
have your back, but still embarrasses you during prom to get in with the
cool kids. It's not right and Hollywood needs to get out of this "fat
people are clowns" mind set.
So do I recommend Spy? Nope, just go see Mad Max again.
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