Tuesday, March 17, 2015

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men Oft Go Astray

I’m not really sure how to start this announcement. I just want to flat out say what it is, but at the same time, there’s a lot going into my decision for doing what I’m about to do. Well, I’m just going to say it, and I hope you will continue to read this article to understand my situation.

All of my video projects are being put on hold once again.

Why? I wish, I had a better answer, but life continues to get in the way.

This happened in 2013 as well, when I tried rebooting Season Impressions. I made all of these plans, wrote multiple episodes, recorded a few audio files and edited some footage, and then I get hit with a problem at work that absorbs all of my energy and free time.

To give you an idea of what happened this time, I was given a promotion at my current job. I will not go into details, but this promotion ended up as a way to take advantage of my hardworking nature. My schedule was changing every week, which for this job and position was not suppose to happen. This promotion basically had me covering three positions, while not getting any increase in my wages. All of this was just wearing me out. I’d do my eight hours, some days twelve, come home, watch an episode of Flash and go to bed for about four hours only to get up and go to start the cycle all over again. It’s been like this since the start of the year. Sure there have been multiple influences that I have no control over which have made this position a lot more difficult that it should been. Like the weather being terrible this winter, people quitting their jobs out of the blue, and terrible decisions made by corporate and management. Believe it or not, I did have a production schedule made out for when I was going to write, record and edit. All of that disappeared when I got this promotion.

Forgive me for psychoanalyzing myself for a minute, but I’ve always had a problem with throwing myself into whatever job I get. I’ve never had the ability to disconnect myself from my position. A big part of this is because I no longer have a social life. I don’t really have a life outside of video games, comics and anime. This is an incredibly sad thing to say about myself, but its true. Since all of my hobbies require me to make zero effort and I don’t have to live up to anyone else’s expectations but my own, I get consumed with whatever job I have, which lead to numerous problems. With customer service positions, I always take insults customer’s give personally and I feel like I’ve let down individuals I can’t help. With labor positions, I feel like a worn out tool that’s just getting tossed around day after day. And with creative positions, while I love very step of the process to write an article, or make a video, there’s currently no conceivable way for me to making a living doing that. I’m caught in this cycle where it seems like no matter what job I take, I just end up making myself miserable and lonely.

All of this is piled on top of how disappointed I am in myself for not being able to make more episodes of AMR, Season Impressions and Hitch Plays. I did have a lot of fun plans in store. I really wanted to talk about why I loved Fritz The Cat, or the unbelievable batshit craziness of Space Transformers. I really wanted to do a video game review show where I’d talk about games like Lupin The Third on the PS2 and Urusei Yatsura: Lum no Wedding Bell on the NES. Plus most of all, I really wanted everyone to be exposed to Sins of the Sisters. Ask Prof and Ark, I wanted to share this clip so badly.

But now, it appears that it’s never going to happen. While you might be upset or angry that I’ve once again failed to deliver on a promise for more of my content, no one is more upset than me. Because I do want to make more episodes, I just don’t see that happening any time in the near future.

So much like this time last year, I’m now in a position where I need to find something in my life to change and try and make it better. I’m not saying my life is awful by any means, but I should be doing a lot better for myself. I’m turning 25 this year, I only making $9.50 an hour, I have no one special to me, I don’t have any actual life goals since I graduated college and I’m in a massive amount of debt. All of this needs to change and I am working on a few things to do that.

The first of which is turning down this promotion at work and getting my old job back, which I’ve done successfully today. Which means I’m going back to the status quo. Does that really fix anything? A little. This promotion was more or less leading down a path to a pitfall with a spike pit at the bottom, but now I’m back on a path that just running me around in a circle. Is it great? No, but my chances of falling to my death have greatly decreased. So there’s that.

But I still need to find a new job, which is going to take a while. One avenue I’m exploring again is possibly joining the Air Force, Navy or some other version of the Armed Forces. My mother was in Air Force and I’ve gotten used to the idea of moving around very few years or so. My time in Tennessee has taught me that I can never be satisfied in one location for too long. But besides that, it would give me a decent career and since I have a Bachelor’s I can look into becoming an officer. Which would be good money. Plus I’m actually starting to get into better shape. Yes, I’ll still need to make drastic life style changes if I want to get completely fit, but again I need to change something in my life and it just might be my weight. I currently only see positive changes by exploring this possibility, so its something I’m going to peruse. If I do get in, it might be the final nail in the coffin for AMR and what not, but maybe all of these life interruptions are a sign that I need to stop and peruse something meaningful.

The other thing I want to do is finish writing my comic book. I’ve been writing a story currently titled, “Rider” for over a year now, with seven chapters out of a possible twenty-six written. I want to finish this story because it is a story I believe in. I’ve been pouring myself into these characters and I do desperately want to give them life and form. Plus its something I want to finish simply because I want to finish at least one creative project in my life. Kay, the woman who created my title cards for AMR, has said she’d like to help me with this project, but she’s also got a few things going on in her life and I’d hate to bother her to peruse my silly dream of writing a comic book.

So to wrap up this incredibly long article, no one is more disappointed that I’m not going to be able to produce more episodes than myself. If my life gets a little less crazy, or things start to majorly improve, I might be able to jump back on this horse, because I want to. But I must grow up and realize that I’m not always going to get what I want. Which is fine and I’m glad my life has had a few moments of self-reflection like this to help me put things into perspective. So if you stuck with this article fir this long, thank you for your time and hopefully your understanding. I’m sure my life will continue to improve, but like all things it’ll take time.

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